I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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