Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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