saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
