he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
