What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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