So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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