i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
