Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
