Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
