you guys were way drunker than both of me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
