just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
