Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
