He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
