is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
