How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
