It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
