you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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