she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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