After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
