we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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