Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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