I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
