I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
