i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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