So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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