well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
