he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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