the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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