Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.