Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

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  (845): so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again.... http://tfl.nu/lj9p
  Replies (22) Good night (849) Bad night (5647)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!

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  (603): thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful! http://tfl.nu/mwds
  Replies (60) Good night (3408) Bad night (7812)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I really wanna talk..

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down

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  (817): I really wanna talk.. (1-817): if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down http://tfl.nu/qj3j
  Replies (82) Good night (7903) Bad night (912)
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  (310): View more from California

  LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

  (310): View more from California

  And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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  (310): LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers. (310): And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow. http://tfl.nu/mkft
  Replies (26) Good night (4182) Bad night (1253)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting

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  (518): i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting http://tfl.nu/x71w
  Replies (13) Good night (2822) Bad night (2900)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (37) Good night (9232) Bad night (1409)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.

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  (757): I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon. http://tfl.nu/7g7n
  Replies (4) Good night (2923) Bad night (905)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.

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  (724): His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off. http://tfl.nu/q67j
  Replies (8) Good night (3963) Bad night (1041)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.

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  (765): Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence. http://tfl.nu/7p55
  Replies (7) Good night (1662) Bad night (614)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.

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  (202): Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it. http://tfl.nu/4ii1
  Replies (2) Good night (2964) Bad night (792)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.

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  (802): Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester. http://tfl.nu/l7en
  Replies (1) Good night (1556) Bad night (621)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special

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  (713): There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special http://tfl.nu/6w5y
  Replies (5) Good night (1631) Bad night (528)
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  (916): View more from California

  Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.

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  (916): Need. Hospital. Physically am floating. http://tfl.nu/j2sm
  Replies (6) Good night (1125) Bad night (566)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates

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  (305): So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates http://tfl.nu/kad8
  Replies (11) Good night (408) Bad night (1701)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.

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  (386): At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though. http://tfl.nu/1o31
  Replies (13) Good night (695) Bad night (284)

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