Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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