Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
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if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.