I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
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Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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