At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
