Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am spending my child support on dildos
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.