does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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