Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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