WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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