My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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