I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
