Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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