So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
