I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
