Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
