I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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