Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
