so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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