im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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