my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
