i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
