none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
