I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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