My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sober January is a disaster.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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