Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
