Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
