I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
