Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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