hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
