We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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