You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
