Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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