found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
