I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
