I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.