Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.