We're facebook friends in real life
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill