my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?