susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win