Moan for me like Helen Keller
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner