it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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