New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
