I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
