There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
