Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
