If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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