I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
