What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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