You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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