I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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