we have pet lesbian snakes
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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